Some think an affair can improve a marriage; that you can get whatever it is out of your system to return to your spouse with greater appreciation. But are they right?
This article was originally published on FamilyShare.com, which you can find here.
As a therapist, I’ve worked with dozens of abused women and children. Here is what I want abused women to understand.
I’m a therapist who has worked with women, children, even abusers, in domestic violence and abuse (DVA) situations. These are never easy families to work with. Often I walk away from sessions feeling hopeless, and scared for the victims’ safety — but not for the reason that you think.
This article was originally published on FamilyShare.com and can be found here.
Do you have what it takes to make it for 365 days?
Let’s face it. Your chances of staying married aren’t good. Sorry for sounding bleak. First-time marriages have a 41 percent chance of ending end in divorce — and it only gets worse for second-time marriages (60 percent) and third-time marriages (73 percent). That’s one divorce every 36 seconds; 100 divorces every hour; 2,400 divorces per day; 16,800 divorces per week; 876,000 divorces per year … I told you this was going to sound bleak.
This article was originally published on FamilyShare which you can find here.
Dating and premarital couples tend to see the good and ignore the bad. This could spell trouble later down the road. Learn how to take off the glasses and ensure a lasting relationship for you and your partner.
Families get stuck in patterns of blame and negativity. These patterns are vicious and hard to break. If your family is stuck in a negative pattern, here’s how to change.
This article was originally published by FamilyShare and can be found here.
Human behavior can go to such extremes as constructing delusions that help one escape from painful memories and life experiences. The rather subtle aspect of relational and psychological needs is that they are often invisible or hidden deep within our hearts and minds, sometimes even unknown to ourselves. They are not evident to those around us. We only see the annoying and frustrating behavior. Focusing on and being more understanding of the fact that each of us, as a human being, has personal needs and struggles, will help us to remain more calm in frustrating situations.
Pick a different lens One aspect of family therapy is helping brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers see their family member’s annoying or hurtful behavior with an additional, understanding lens, rather than a negative one. Because if we are to accept Maslow’s idea, at some level annoying or hurtful behavior is an attempt to satisfy a need that we can all relate to and understand. So consider this: That special someone in your life who annoys you may be trying to fulfill a need, even if in an unhealthy and negative way; he or she may not know another way to react to his or her specific need.
Do something about it Understand that negativity begets negativity. In other words, if you respond in like to the negative behavior, it is likely to continue the negative cycle, making you, and others, miserable. Instead, see the frustrating behavior — from your boss, spouse, child, etc. — as a fellow human being trying to fulfill a need that we would all like satisfied (i.e. friendship, status, security, hope and so on). Then help them fulfill that need in a positive, healthy manner. Take compassion on them and see their behavior in a new light. Looking upon those around us with more compassionate, understanding eyes will only improve the situation.
The other week I was texting back and forth with a client on whether he should do counseling or not. He didn’t see the need to do counseling, but he was willing to do it in order to prove to his wife that he didn’t have a problem. He asked if this was a good reason to do counseling. I explained in no uncertain terms that this was not a good reason to do counseling. He didn’t respond. I then said he would benefit from having his blind spots exposed which would help him avoid problematic traps he gets stuck into. Again, he didn’t respond.