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8 Ways to Regulate Your Emotions

by on 30 March 2018in Emotion Regulation No comment

Emotions are the drivers for human action. They shape your experience as a human being. They can take you to the heights of pleasure, and to the depths of despair. Life without emotion is unimaginable, but what about life with uncontrolled emotion? Mental health professionals call this emotion dysregulation, which is feeling like your emotions are scattered, in constant flux, outside your control, and unmanageable. This is a difficult place to be, but there is hope. There are skills and ways of thinking that can enable you to regulate your emotions, putting you back in the drivers seat. Below are 8 ways to do this.

The 5 Characteristics and Benefits of Assertiveness

by on 18 August 2017in Communication, Dating Couples, Domestic Violence and Abuse, Family Issues, Marriage, Mental Illness, Parenting, Premarital Couples, Reflection, Relationships, Self-Help, Shame, Therapy One comment

 

 

 

1. Aggressive—Assertive—Passive: People tend to fall on a spectrum of aggressive to passive in their style of communication and how they engage with others. An aggressive person is someone who believes they are entitled to take what they want. They are direct, have little regard for the feelings of others and don’t mind sharing their feelings. They don’t equivocate when addressing a problem or giving feedback. Typically, the aggressive person creates resentment in others. On the other end of the spectrum is the passive person, which is someone who ignores their needs, is indirect, is uncomfortable giving feedback, shies away from addressing problems. This style results in the passive person building resentment towards others since their needs never are met or addressed. Neither the aggressive or passive style promotes healthy relationships. When I work with clients, I recommend the assertive style, which is a person who can be direct and straightforward in addressing problems. They don’t shy away from giving feedback, advocating for their needs. And they do all these things in a manner that is diplomatic and respectful, but doesn’t deny or dismiss truth. The assertive person can communicate wants and desires without attacking others. Assertiveness promotes health in individuals and in relationships.

9 Rules of Fair Fighting

by on 1 July 2017in Communication 2 comments

No Shot Gunning: Shot Gunning is when you throw several objections, complaints or grievances at the other person, all at once. This simply is too much to respond to and isn’t fair. Pick one thing to talk about.

Cheap Shots: This is when you address a problem or give feedback to another person laced with critiques, personal attacks and button pushing. It’s not fair to mock and deride someone while trying to address a serious issue. It knocks them back on their feet and doesn’t lead to a positive resolution.

Learning to Live Book Release!

by on 10 March 2017in Book, Counseling, Psychology, Reframing, Self-Help, Therapy No comment

Learning to Live isn’t your typical self-help book. Learning to Live contains 20 chapters, each one like a mini session with an experienced mental health counselor. The chapters address a wide array of mental health topics. The central focus is to help you become unstuck and learn the lessons that can free you. However, learning is a process and sometimes you need expert outside help that can help.

So instead of spending money counseling session, pick up Learning to Live and reap the benefits of counseling now!

Learning to Live is available in paperback and Kindle on Amazon.

Thinking Errors and How to Fix Them

by on 29 January 2017in Counseling, Depression, Mental Health Disorder, Mental Illness, Psychology, Reflection, Reframing, Relationships, Self-Help, Therapy, Thinking Errors No comment

If you were out hiking and came across a stream, would you immediately start drinking? What if the water was contaminated? If the water was questionable, you wouldn’t drink, right? But you need water so what do you do? Many hikers don’t even worry about contaminants because they have filters, which take out the bad and leave the good. But what if your filter doesn’t work? How can you trust your water? Remove the word water and replace it with thoughts.

How to Stay Grounded When Feeling Untethered to Reality

by on 17 November 2016in Counseling, Depersonalization, Depression, Mental Illness, Psychology, Reframing, Self-Help, Therapy, Trauma No comment

thoedyph5hImagine feeling like everyone you know, everything around you, everything you are thinking and feeling is fake. That what you are experiencing can’t be trusted. And instead being in the here-and-now, you feel like a detached observer, watching yourself from a disconnected vantage point and there’s no way for you to reconnect yourself and reality. No, this isn’t the plot of Christopher Nolan’s movie Inception. This is a real phenomenon that people deal with everyday. And before you start thinking the experience sounds kind of cool, I can assure you, its not.

This is How You Should Fight

by on 4 November 2016in Communication, Dating Couples, Family Issues, Marriage, Parenting, Premarital Couples, Reflection, Relationships, Self-Help No comment

Couples fall into common pitfalls when they get into arguments. These pitfalls, although tempting to fall into, only create damage and hurt relationshiconflictps. Not listening, arguing to be right, attacks, accusations, bringing up past mistakes, and blowing up or shutting down feel good in the moment, but, in the long-term, they destroy loving relationships. Whatever the pitfall you find yourself falling into, change starts with you. You must lead the way to a better relationship by changing your conflict resolution style. Emphasis on the word resolution. When you have conflict, it should be done for the purpose of resolution, not venting your feelings ore inflicting pain on the other person. So, how do you do that? Here’s my practical, step-by-step advice on how to fight constructively with your partner.

Counselor Spotlight: Marissa Talarico

by on 13 October 2016in Business of Counseling, Counselor Spotlight, Family Issues, Interview, Marriage, Mental Health Disorder, Relationships, Therapy No comment

I had the great opportunity to interview local marriage and family therapist, Marissa Talarico. She is a gifted therapist who specializes in couples dealing with infidelity, anxiety, and family issues. She also specializes in sex therapy treating a wide range of challenges, including sex addiction. She sees clients at her office in downtown Vancouver, Washington. I had the chance to meet up with her for coffee and ask some questions.

marissa-talaricoWhat kind of counselor are you?

Theoretically I am trained as a marriage and family therapist. What this means to me is that I view your problem statement in a context. I look at not only where you are at now, and who you consider your family, but also the ways in which you were raised, what community you feel most closely tied to, and who you have in your life. I truly believe in understanding and hearing the whole person that you are, as opposed to only hearing about the problem that brings you into the therapy room.

How long have you been practicing counseling?

It seems like I have practiced as a counselor my whole life. From early childhood I often found myself in the position with my friends as the listener, the advice giver, the shoulder to bear ones soul to. Professionally I have spent my entire adult life in the helping services ranging from caregiving, working in memory care, to case management and counseling.

When Your Loved One Is Depressed

by on 6 October 2016in Communication, Counseling, Depression, Mental Health Disorder, Parenting, Psychology, Reflection, Reframing, Relationships, Self-Help, Spirituality, Therapy No comment

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Depression is a widely misunderstood mental health disorder. Depression affects people’s careers, sexuality, physical health, and emotional health. But one affect is often ignored because it lives in the periphery. Family, friends, spouses, children, and significant others are also greatly affected by their loved one’s depression. They too carry the burden of depression. Often, treatment only focuses on the individual, but what about those who care for them? What are family members and significant others supposed to do when their loved one is in emotional pain? How can they help? How can they care for themselves when caring for their loved one? These are important questions that are rarely discussed. Below you will find 10 steps to take when your loved is depressed.