Some parents think there is no alternative to shaming their kids in order to discipline, modify behavior and motivate them to change. However, shame is an ineffective discipline strategy at best. At worst, it causes developmental damage to your child, demotivates, and hurts your relationship with them. This is not just a statement based on my personal perspective. Many mental health professionals in the field of psychology agree that shaming a child only damages their development. Studies show that it is ineffective at changing bad behavior and motivating good behavior. And, in my clinical experience, I’ve seen shaming backfire in the face of many parents who use it as their parenting strategy. Shaming creates power struggles between parents and kids. Over time, kids rebel. Kids lose respect for their parent. And kids feel defeated. In short, shaming doesn’t work.
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Let’s be honest. Parenting is hard. From the moment children take their first breaths, parents are faced with decisions and choices that no manual could ever fully explain. And the way you parent is constantly changing: babies need protection, toddlers need direction, and teens need influence. We as parents are simply expected to do it and do it well.
From two therapists who have a combined 25 years of experience working with families comes a new kind of parenting book. This book doesn’t focus on technique, a discipline scheme or parenting style. This book focuses on the parent themselves, specifically the kind of thinking that makes parents effective or ineffective. This book is an SOS help for parents! In When Parenting Backfires examines 12 thinking errors commonly made by parents. In each chapter Dan and David:
This month marks my fourth year of practicing counseling professionally, specifically family therapy. As I reflect on the last four years, one aspect of myself that has changes comes to mind. That is my relationship with empathy. But before I go on, it might be helpful if I first explain what empathy is.
Are children born with a sense of right and wrong or are they taught?
Like most other developmental areas in children, moral development also progresses in stages. But the awareness of justice, discomfort, guilt, conscience, and prosocial behaviors cannot be reduced to simple incremental progression, although the tool of stages gives us a fixed point from which to look.