Some parents think there is no alternative to shaming their kids in order to discipline, modify behavior and motivate them to change. However, shame is an ineffective discipline strategy at best. At worst, it causes developmental damage to your child, demotivates, and hurts your relationship with them. This is not just a statement based on my personal perspective. Many mental health professionals in the field of psychology agree that shaming a child only damages their development. Studies show that it is ineffective at changing bad behavior and motivating good behavior. And, in my clinical experience, I’ve seen shaming backfire in the face of many parents who use it as their parenting strategy. Shaming creates power struggles between parents and kids. Over time, kids rebel. Kids lose respect for their parent. And kids feel defeated. In short, shaming doesn’t work.
Most couples seeking counseling are usually coming 7 years after the problem has started. There are many reasons for people delaying counseling, yet one of the factors is men’s reluctance accessing counseling services.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve worked with a couples where the woman practically dragged the man in or had just given him an ultimatum to do therapy or she’s leaving.